in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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