he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize