Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There r osticjed everywhere
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
