Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
