I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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