We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
