I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
