We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
