scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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