i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
