Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I skipped work to stalk him.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I want is dick and wine.
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