I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
