Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
