Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My penis needs a shock collar
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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