My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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