Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
