Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
