Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize