how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize