he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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