I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
