i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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