He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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