I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
