just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
