Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
