Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
