She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize