Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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