found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
