There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
