My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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