If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
