Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
