dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
