I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
