you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is the high leading the old right now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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