I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
