This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
