put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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