There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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