booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
