I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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