Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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