Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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