From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize