my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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