They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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