You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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