would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
