I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
