WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
God, I missed his penis.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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