Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
