she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I won't apologize to a one balled man
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
