i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
