so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
