I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize