Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
