Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
