so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
