I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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