There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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