Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
