You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
