oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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