I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
