yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
