Do you still have your period?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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