This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
