Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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