Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
