Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize