"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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